I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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