Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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