Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
