Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
