Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
