I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
