I CAN MOONWALK!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
