he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bring me that man meat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
