yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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