Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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