Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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