i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
