if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
