Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
