I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have aggressive nipples.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
