saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
