Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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