Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
