The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
