If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
