now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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