i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
