I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
