I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
