video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
