I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
