and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
