I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
