I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
