I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
