You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
