Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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