That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
