are you still at the devil's house?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
