Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
