I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
