I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
