My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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