Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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