When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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