You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
