You're so nebulous sometimes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
