the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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