is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
