Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
im on a boat
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