what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm both gender and math confused
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
