she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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