Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
