I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
