DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
