First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
