Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
