The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
